Now or Never, rules and goals for year 29

So, a few days ago I turned 29 on the 08/08/08. I must mentioned I was born at precisely 12:21 AM. If you're really a true believer of numerology then I must be a walking lottery ticket. I've been on the contemplative side (hence the title of my blog) and evaluating what has happened so far photo wise the last few years and in the last 6 months personally.
I'm doing good as a photographer, not so as a person.
Two years ago at 27 I never saw myself getting published and taking pics of bands, theatre and getting paid. I also was with a somewhat awesome guy who would later on tell me I'm not suited to be his wife and bear his children and has never paid me back for helping him inbetween jobs.
This might explain a lot about my dating record as I dwell on those words like an atlethe making a mistake that would cost them big. It's hard to shake off the psychology of bad incidents however I entered a slippery slope of bad events since I graduated from University. Like most of us, the achievement of finishing the degree is the end of a journey that has been a third of our lives. The opportunity of doing whatever we please can be a blessing and a curse, true freedom can be powerful but can make you vulnerable.
I learned that the hard way and here I am redeeming myself for what has happened. It's now or never, what is there left to lose?

For one thing, I changed the title of my Blog to Simply know Better (I dropped the "I" for the sake of not totally being the central character in this). Other thing is that I will attempt to submit at least once every two weeks as I need to improve on my writing in order to believe that the creative writing degree was for a purpose.

This is year 2 out of school, still at the same job for the last five years, more weirdoes attempting to "shoot and score" however "misses the crossbar" (in short: to get into my pants and not my heart) and the frustation of clueless nowheres surrounding the city.

Thus including some art related situations.
I sit here decided what to do next. School is an option however I wish to really give photography the chance I know it deserves. However...
I don't want to be an art person.
I want to do photojournalism instead. I want to use photo as a tool of healing, to serve a purpose. I have a hard time when I hang out with musicans, actors, even political science majors. I sometimes feel that there are bad intentions, secrets, backstabbing, egos and self fishness.
My parents did not sacrifice and raised me to become pretencious and idiotic. They also didn't raise me to be a flake and a douchebag that I was in the last few months.

In finding a balance, you have to really be yourself, not a photographer or student or employee. It's a challenge to stay sane in the industry, wanting you to like what they like when you think it's a bunch of crap. Also to like what you like knowing that what you like is genuine and sincere and not bandwagoning on a trend or what others think. It's hard when you think about how much crap is out there, how people have forgotten what outside is like or what tradition can be.

I think when I do photos there has to be a reason, more than a story. Why am I doing this, why should I care. Why should you guys read a blog that hasn't found a focus yet. I'm looking for one right now, lost a lot a ground this last while.

In the next posting there will be my awesome lists. In the meantime, my main goal for year 29 will be to redeem my focus.