Really contemplating....

I've been looking at myself really hard and asking myself: really?!?
Nothing right now is making me happy, everything (in my mind) feels wrong. My voice, is not coming out. My soul has nothing to believe in. Trying to find the right words, the right speech to make things out, instead anger and frustation comes out and scares away people.
In one case, thinking that I am crazy and need to be on medication.
Everyone is medicated, numbing themselves in believing that they can be content rather than face the fact: things are hard, you're going to have to deal with it. No ammout of booze, lust or even perscription will make this go away.
I'm aware of my situation, giving me a pill will make me deal with my emotions. However, the problem will still be unresolved. I can't live with that. I'm the type of person looking for answers, in the meantime I'm trapped in situations that (in theory can be resolved) however...
I'm afraid that either I'm going to fall flat on my face or (the greater fear)
that I might actually succeed.
It's like playing the lottery, we believe in the idea that it could happen and we keep trying, but what if...
I've been hearing the what if over and over, playing my numbers and knowing that it will never happen. Wasting my four dollars per week on a supposive solution, yeah right.
Yeah right that I can actually make it as a photographer and get out of my coffee shop job and move out of my folk's apt and get on with my life.
My doubts have trapped me into the situation above, the holder of a Bachelor of Arts who has been published and paid, overqualified in the art of latte making. My parents are old, that scares me thinking that if I win my lottery, it'll be too late for them to enjoy.
So far the words are still the same, still no answers.
I guess I can break it down this way:
-I hate my minimum wage job because I think I'm better than it, yet I'm still there dealing with stupid and stupid only.
-I work at a student paper with more politics (and more exciting) than what is happening in Ottawa (yet I think we have a better chance at a better fiscal solution).
-I don't trust my friends who can't be there for me as I am there for them, listening to them word for word (as I think they're afraid that they won't be heard either). The dominating type who are even more alone if they don't have someone in the room, the type to take charge but no one wants to march with them.
-My family...I don't talk about them in this however, they are core to me but I don't know if they're good for me (right now).
There are situations that have solutions however where to start? And is there room for me, my voice, my eyes and my heart in this?
I've been looking at this long and hard, asking what a 29 year old is doing stuck in this vicious cycle. I can't keep doing this. Don't you think it's about time that there is a solution...
or do I keep playing lottery tickets.