So I've been reading, taking notes, catching random thoughts and seeing things through different light. It seems to be that I'm going towards the right direction, the camera in my bag is loaded with film and I've been snapping away. The question lies:
will there be a 5th book project???
I've been wondering myself the same thing, the project has always been my training wheels into getting myself to do new portraits. The last version was such a journey and the result was positive. A third of my portraits were strong. The words were out there, colors were vivid.
That was me two years ago, in an age of naivety and exploration. Now, I've been exploited, used and defeated. It doesn't seem like an exploration I want to dive into, or do I?
Maybe cynicism can reflect in a different way in a story line or in images.
I don't know yet, still researching. I mean, I've approached photography as the medium of "making things look good." In all sorts, we try to find the good in everything, even in it's ugliest. However, after what has happened in the last year with:
Maximum mind, minimum wage
sh**ty wrists
constant drinking
the "open" relationship(s)
knowing too many dark secrets
I'm having a hard time seeing the beauty in souls. All I see is hate, all I see are lies. This new friend I made wants me to trust him, I can't, I won't. I really want to however I've been burned too many times my skin hasn't had the time to heal properly. It's covered in scars. Scars that I see and (I think) other people can see too, they see the weak in me and go after it.
Trust is a big deal for me, good people are rare. Good is pure beauty.
However all I see is anger and a load of crap.
This could make the process of creating a strong body of work complicated. It's there, the eyes, people have seen a glimpse of what I can really do, I can push it however I hold back because I know in the process, as a photographer and as a person, I will get hurt, might get knocked down, and I don't want to start from zero.
But I don't want to stall anymore either.
More notes to make, ideas to process, I know I will be taking pictures.
Question will be if it'll be my new project?
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The story so far...
- Cindy Lopez
- Montreal, Quebec, Canada
- Cindy is trying her best to make a career as a photographer and throws in her writing as a balance (as she did a degree in Creative Writing). Cindy may have this background however still wants to understand what makes people tick, have strange stories of their own and why is it so hard from them to order coffee (really, it's not that hard).
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